To Live Again
by Miss Romance-Lover
Summary: Sequel to The Unravelling. Set just after Ste and Brendan are reunited outside the prison, this will follow their lives through their first year back together, right up to the day of Brendan's proposal.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a sequel to **The Unravelling**, and I'm planning on making it a multi-chapter story. Please read that first if you haven't already. Let me know what you think. Thank you x**

To Live Again

"Seriously, ye live _here_?"

Ste looked at Brendan's incredulous face as they walked up the steps to the older man's former home, and gave him a tentative smile. When he smiled back, Ste nudged him playfully.

"Yeah," he replied, keeping his voice quiet as they trailed behind Leela. "Try not to think about the time you got lucky on the living room floor. You know, when you walk in there."

Brendan pondered this and seemed to be considering their chances of a repeat performance. But before he could suggest it, Ste's sister was letting them all into the house.

Sam and Danny were on the sofa waiting for them, and their presence distracted the Irishman from his surroundings.

"You two alright?" Sam asked kindly, a contrast to the tense look on her husband's face.

Ste was beaming. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy. He was sure it wasn't healthy, pinning all his future happiness onto Brendan's shoulders; on the promise that this man would stay in his life for good now. But he'd tried to live fully in the time he'd been without him and had found it impossible.

He looked over at Brendan, who had apparently been chatting casually with Sam while Ste savoured how newly uncomplicated his life was.

"Am I really the only one that's going to say something about this?" Danny blurted out, and with the remark Ste briefly mourned the loss of a civil atmosphere. His dad continued in the wake of everyone else's silence. "With all due respect, Brendan – that's if you're even due any – we don't even _know_ you."

"Well _I_ do," Ste replied. His voice was cold now, his face like thunder.

"I'm sorry Ste, but that's not enough of a reason for me to let him live in my house."

"How about remembering that Brendan is actually in the room, Danny?" Sam announced. "And there's the fact that it's not just _your_ house."

Danny sighed in frustration. "Look, I know you want to help him, and I couldn't have a say before but it's different now. He's under our roof. The same roof as _our girls_."

Ste was about to cut in on their debate himself, but to his surprise Brendan beat him to it. "What are ye implying here, Daniel? That I'm dangerous and some kind of threat to your family? It's a bit late to start playing father of the year, surely."

The older man didn't speak, but neither did he back down. His arms were folded as he stood his ground, and the Irishman merely nodded as if to accept that his perception of the situation was correct.

"If I thought for one moment that Brendan was a risk to _anyone _I would never have involved myself in his case," Sam retorted firmly. "You should know that, Danny."

"It's alright, Samantha. I'm not sticking around. But thank ye, for everything. I should have said it much sooner." Turning back to the woman's husband, Brendan smiled. "It's not often that I bother to explain myself to people, Daniel, but I'll make an exception for ye because there are some things ye need to know. I love Steven and I would never do anything to harm the people he loves, or anyone else, just for the record."

Leela's mouth hung open, and Sam was smiling as though she'd just watched a scene straight out of a film. Danny remained unmoved, and as Brendan headed for the front door Ste followed, leaving barely an inch of space between their retreating bodies.

As they left the house and reached the bottom of the steps, Ste made a grab for the other man's arm and held him in place. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I-"

"No, I'm not having it, Brendan. It hasn't even been an hour! You've only just promised me you won't leave me again, and now after one bust up with my dad, suddenly you're 'not sticking around'."

He took a few deep breaths, and in the next second felt Brendan's steady hands cradling his face. His touch was gentle and Ste closed his eyes against it, taking it in.

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant in the house, Steven. I'm not staying _there_, that's all I meant. After everything that's happened, did ye really think I could walk out of your life again? It wasn't easy the first time and a second time would kill me just as much as it would ye. I'm not capable of being without ye, okay? I don't _work_ without ye. So just...calm down, will ye?"

Ste was laughing now, and Brendan pulled back, stunned. "What?"

"I think _you're_ the one who needs to calm down," the younger man replied, catching his breath as his amusement died down. "But it's the same for me. I don't work without you either. I haven't been...I haven't been happy, you know. I tried, but there is no happy ever after without you."

For a moment he was stuck in a memory of the past, of everything that had happened in his life before today. Ste's face was suddenly white and troubled, and Brendan caught the change. He hadn't even looked this concerning when he'd thought he was being abandoned minutes earlier; had been too fired up with anger.

"Steven? What is it, what happened to ye while I was in prison? Did someone hurt ye?"

Ste thought about his mum, about Doug and the countless times he'd had to say goodbye to his kids for lengthy amounts of time. He thought about the fact that Trevor, who had put him in hospital the year before, was living nearby. Then he put it all from his mind and reached out for Brendan's hand.

"I do have stuff I need to tell you, but not today. Just let me have the rest of this day with you, and then I'll tell you everything. Please, Brendan, I just want today to be about us."

Nodding, Brendan let go of his hand so he could pull Ste close for a kiss. Bus as he did so, something stopped him. "You're shaking. Are ye sure everything's alright?"

"I'm fine, it's just..."

"What?"

"It's just that I never thought this day would come and now it's here..." Ste's voice broke as he trailed off, then he glanced up at the Lomax house, aware that his judgemental father was only a few feet away. "Can we not do this _here_?"

"Where did ye have in mind?" Brendan asked, swinging his bag over his shoulder as they began to walk through the village. "I'd book us a hotel for the night but I've no access to the money from the club yet. All I've got is the bit of cash they give ye when ye leave prison."

"That's not what I meant," Ste said hurriedly, stopping when they reached the entrance to College Coffee. "Here'll do."

"People will stare at ye, ye know. Being here with me."

"I couldn't care less even if Cheryl Cole was in here judging me," he said absently. "Oh wait, she's changed her name now, got remarried, didn't she. French bloke, don't know how to say his last name." He realised he was babbling, but Brendan was grinning at him as they sat down on the sofas. The place was unusually quiet for the time of day.

"I'm honoured ye put me above her, Steven. I'll go and get us some coffee." He was up and over at the counter before Ste could mention what he even wanted to drink. Minutes later, Brendan returned with two cups and as he sat back in his seat, the younger man wasted no time in taking a sip.

"That's exactly how I make mine at home," he announced, surprised.

"Ye thought I'd forgotten?"

Ste gulped back a sentimental sob before it could surface. He put his cup down and shook his head. "I don't know. This is weird. I feel like I'm dreaming. _Again_..."

But as he thought back to that morning in Dublin a few years ago, he knew that what he was feeling right now was far more surreal. He had pictured being with this man again so many times over the last year, but nothing his head had come up with even remotely matched the situation they were in now. He supposed if things had been different, and Brendan hadn't just been acquitted of murder, they might have aimed for something a bit more memorable than a strained introduction with Ste's new family and a memorised coffee order.

He smirked then, looking at Brendan's own cup. "I bet there's three sugars in that, isn't there?"

The Irishman drained his coffee and wiped the remnants of it from his moustache. "Naturally. So come on, talk to me. How are ye feeling?"

And he looked so worried at the end of that sentence that Ste simply couldn't help himself anymore. He moved his coffee out of the way, leaned right over the table and kissed Brendan senseless. When they finally broke apart, he could taste the sugar from his coffee in his mouth.

"Alive," Ste replied, ignoring the fact that the few customers who sat around them were gawping at them both. "I feel _alive_."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your reviews for part one, I know it's been a while since I posted it! Just to clarify, this story, and **The Unravelling**, is set in a world where John Paul and Ste never happened. So my version of events starts after the flat explosion, Doug's death and Ste finding his new family. So, here's chapter two...**

_Chapter Two_

"Ste!"

A small voice had interrupted the pair, reminding them that they were not, in fact, the only two people in the village. It was Peri.

"What are you doing in here, Pez?"

"I wanted a smoothie on my way back from school," she replied with an innocent shrug.

Ste found some spare change and dug it out of his pocket. "Here y'are then, I'll pay."

"Thanks," she said, taking it from him before fixing her gaze on Brendan. "Are you Brendan, then?"

"I am. And what was it Steven just called ye, _Pez_? There are sweets that go by that name, ye know," Brendan remarked with amusement.

Ste rolled his eyes, and Peri looked confused but managed an awkward laugh.

"This is my baby sister, _Peri_," he announced with a grin.

"I'm not a baby, I'm fourteen!" she complained, but she didn't storm off, instead choosing to pull up a chair and sit next to the Irishman. "My mum and dad used to like this old band from the 80s – they had a singer with the same moustache as yours. What was his name, Ste?"

He tried not to laugh. "Freddie Mercury, you mean?"

Brendan couldn't help but touch the hair above his lip; a little self-conscious under the gaze of a teenage girl who was clearly very important to the man he loved. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"That's weird. I'd forgotten all about your beard," Ste blurted out suddenly.

"They don't usually let ye shave in there, but one of the guards lent me a razor for the trial," the older man explained, correctly guessing Ste's meaning.

Now Peri looked as though she was about to come out with another observation, or worse, a question. And just in case it happened to be 'what was prison like?' Ste decided to intervene.

"Hey, are you getting that smoothie or what?" Ste said, gently nudging his sister. She got up to order her drink, and in her absence he leaned across the table. "I think she likes you," he told Brendan eagerly.

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "If she didn't she wouldn't have been so nosy."

Peri returned, sipping her strawberry smoothie through a straw. "So are you coming back with me?"

The two men looked at each other, and Ste shook his head. "We'll see you later though, yeah?"

She smiled and nodded, then turned back to Brendan. "Do you love Ste?"

"Pez!"

"What? I'm only asking."

To their surprise Brendan let out a loud chuckle. "It's okay, Steven. Yes, I do love him. Ye don't have to worry, Peri," he winked at her. "I promise not to break your brother's heart."

"Okay. Good." Looking pleased with herself, she waved goodbye and left College Coffee.

"I promise not to break it _again._" To Ste's surprise, Brendan's voice had now lost it's playful manner, and his face was grave and serious.

"What?"

"I've already hurt ye more than once, Steven. I've broken every promise, even the ones I really meant to keep. I won't make that mistake again."

Ste looked down at his hands. "That's...a big thing to say on your first day out of prison. We said we weren't going to talk like this until tomorrow."

Brendan smiled. "Look at me," he pleaded gently. When, after half a minute, Ste raised his head, he continued. "Some things can't wait."

Emotion swelled inside Ste then, and although he tried to focus on the joy he felt at Brendan's words, the meaning behind them hit home. All the things he had banished to the back of his mind were now clawing their way back to the front.

"My mam died," he heard himself saying.

Brendan's face gave way to confusion, then shock, then concern. "Steven..."

"Then I got back with Doug, and he died. That was after the flat got blown up." Ste watched as Brendan flinched at the mention of his husband, but still it didn't stop him. "I got the kids back, and then got so skint I had to send them back to Amy."

"Steven, I..."

"Oh and then there's the suspended sentence I'm on, because my mam didn't just die, she asked me to _help_ her die. Probably should have started with that bit."

"_What_?" The younger man shut his mouth tight, the impact of his impulsive monologue dawning on him. And he hadn't even mentioned all the business with Trevor.

"Sorry, I just...like you said, it couldn't wait." Brendan didn't speak; barely even moved. "You wanted to know what's been happening to me. Now you do."

Still Brendan said nothing. Ste started to feel physically sick, and stood up weakly. "I need some air."

This jolted Brendan into action. He reached the door at the same moment Ste did. They stepped out into the fresh air together, and he caught hold of Ste as his breathing grew erratic and he became unsteady on his feet. "Hey, hey come on, it's okay."

"It's not." They sat down on a nearby bench, Ste's body slumping.

"Well obviously it hasn't been okay for ye. I didn't know...I never realised. But it will be. That's a promise I'll keep until I'm in my grave."

They sat in silence for a while, the declaration sinking in between them. It wasn't the first one, but more importantly it wouldn't be the last, either.

"You haven't said anything yet. About everything I've done, and my pathetic excuse for a life."

Brendan suddenly looked fierce, but not in the same way Ste remembered from years ago. "_Don't_ say that."

"I'm not the same person I was before you left, Brendan."

"I'm not the same person either. It doesn't mean I've ever stopped loving ye. If ye want to have this conversation now; if ye want to talk about everything I've missed, then we can do that. Or we can wait a few more hours and talk about the future instead. Our future. The one I promised to give ye a long time ago."

Ste was smiling, but he couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. "If you keep talking about making promises, we'll never get anywhere. You'll jinx us." "Really, Steven? Haven't I done enough of that already? We're about as jinxed as we've always been."

"I don't know about that, maybe God's listening and he's still holding you to that pact you made with him."

Brendan smirked, unable to meet Ste's eye. "Never gonna let me forget that, are ye?"

"'Course not. Anyway that reminds me," he replied, reaching into his pocket. "I've got something for you."

The younger man was now hiding something in his hand. As the Irishman watched, he reached over and placed the object in front of him. It was the Cross pendant he had left with Ste after the bus crash had almost claimed his life.

For a moment, Brendan thought he might be seeing things. "Ye kept it?"

"It was found in the flat ruins, after the explosion," Ste explained. "I always kept it somewhere safe. I couldn't get rid of it. I know I could've given it to Cheryl, but it would've been like letting go of you. Which is what I was supposed to be doing at the time, I know."

On the point of replying, Brendan sighed as they were faced with yet another interruption.

"Brendan Brady!" announced Cindy Cunningham with her usual fearless confidence. "Wouldn't have thought you'd come back here."

"Wouldn't have thought ye would still be working at Price Slice," he remarked drily. "But there we go."

Cindy folded her arms in front of her. "Well, I was going to make you an offer. I don't think I'll bother now."

"Don't tell me, ye were going to offer me a job? Sorry Cindy, the uniform's not really my colour. Suits ye, though."

Ste snorted a laugh, thinking how much Brendan had mellowed since being in prison. When it came to 'chit-chat', this was him being polite.

"Actually I'm the _manager_ of Price Slice and I don't think you'd be quite right for the job," Cindy smirked. "But me and Holly have moved in with Dirk so the flat above the shop is empty. The owner's been on at me for ages to find a new tenant. You wouldn't be my first choice but it's not as though anyone else is interested, so. Let me know by tomorrow. Earlier than that would be better."

As soon as she had finished talking, Cindy turned and disappeared round the corner, leaving two stunned men in her wake.

"That was...weird," Ste said. "Do you think you'll take it?"

"A tiny flat above a tiny shop, run by the local gold-digger?" Brendan replied in deadpan tones. Then, after a pause, he smiled at Ste. "I just might."

When Ste's phone rang they grinned at each other, knowing they weren't going to get any peace until this day was over. This time it was Tegan.

"Are you coming home for tea or not?" She sounded impatient. "Where are you, anyway?"

"With Brendan. We're outside College Coffee."

"Great, I'm just about to pass there anyway." She hung up before Ste could reply, but as he looked around he caught sight of her dark hair, wrapped in one of her vibrant headscarfs. She spotted him and started to wander over.

Ste glanced Brendan's way just before standing to meet Tegan, before she could approach their bench. "Time to meet another sister. Last one, promise."

"Right, just so you know, Dad's gone down the pub in a sulk and Mum's cooking dinner. And your Brendan is invited – hence Dad's bad mood."

"What, so you're okay with all this too, then?"

She shrugged. "Mum says he's not a wrong'un, and that's good enough for me. She's been catching criminals my whole life, Ste. If she trusts this bloke then it's like a guarantee. It takes a lot to gain her trust. So are you going to introduce me, then?"

"How can I say no to you now?" he said, squeezing her hand and heading back over to the Irishman. "Brendan, this is Tegan. Teegs, this is-"

"Oh I do hate these silly formal introductions," she interrupted with a sigh. "Hello, I hear you're the love of my brother's life. Hurt him and I'll knock your block off. Okay? Great. Now we've got that out of the way, I hope you like chicken casserole."

Ste's jaw had dropped about halfway through her speech. "Tegan!"

"What? Just because he's just come out of prison doesn't mean he gets out of hearing the caring sister speech."

"He's already had Peri on at him today..." he trailed off at the sound of Brendan's laughter. When Ste turned to look at him, his whole face was creased with amusement.

"Good to know Steven has sisters with fighting spirit on his side. And yes, chicken casserole sounds perfect."

She shot him a genuine smile, and they started walking ahead, chatting animatedly. Ste stood for a minute, wondering whether what he'd just witnessed had actually happened. Could his life really be as easy as that?

* * *

After a somewhat normal family meal with the Lomaxes, Brendan made a quick trip to Price Slice for a bottle of wine. He returned with the news that he would be moving into the shop's flat the following day. Ideally enough, the owner had wanted to start charging rent as soon as possible.

Now, finally, after what seemed like the longest day on earth, he and Ste were lying in bed, in Ste's room. Which also happened to be Brendan's old bedroom. The light was off but neither of them were sleeping.

"Steven."

"Yeah?"

"Will ye move in with me?"

There was a beat of silence. "Really?"

Brendan couldn't tell if this was a happy response, so it caused him to ramble. "It was just...an idea. I spoke to the man who owns the place, told him I might be splitting the rent with a second tenant and he couldn't care less either way. Of course, I could cover both our halves of the rent or even afford to buy the flat outright if I wanted to, now my solicitor says the club money will be with me by the morning. Look, if this is too soon, just say, because we can-"

He was cut off by a searing kiss, and Ste didn't break away until he had wordlessly made his answer obvious.

"So that would be a yes then, would it?" Brendan asked, more than a little breathless.

"That would be a 'what took you so long to ask?'" Ste replied, grinning so much that his face started to ache.

"I just thought ye might have wanted to wait, after everything that's happened I wouldn't blame ye for not trusting me. A few hours ago ye thought I was walking out on ye all over again."

"I know. To be honest, Brendan, I didn't really believe I could have you back until then. It was that thing you said, about being without me. No matter how many times you try and explain what it feels like to someone else, they just don't get it. But you said exactly what I've felt like for the past year. I believe you. I trust you, and I want to live with you. Now."

The look on Brendan's face – that coy, private smile – reminded Ste of his reaction that day they'd been in the pub in Dublin, when he had convinced Brendan that the past was behind him. All that was left of it was dust, he'd told him. At the time it had felt so true; nothing else could hurt them.

This time the past wasn't just dust. It had turned to ashes.

Holding Ste's face gently in his hands, Brendan resumed their kiss, their energy rising. Things seemed about to go over the edge until Ste sat up in the bed, bringing the other man with him. Reluctantly, he pulled away.

"I hate to say it, but can we pick up from where we left off tomorrow? I don't really fancy the idea of a houseful of people around on my first proper night with you since..."

Brendan let out a soft sigh, just as the sound of the front door opening and shutting reverberated through the house. Danny was back.

"Tomorrow," he agreed with conviction, lying down again. "I love ye, Steven."

"Love you too," Ste replied, pressing another kiss to his lips. "Soppier than me, you are."

"Shut up."


End file.
